I Hate Me More Than You
TRIGGER WARNING: This entry mentions suicide & child abuse. Life after child abuse (defining child abuse as physical, sexual, or severe emotional abuse of a child) can be so difficult and painful. You hate the world, and it seems the world hates you. Maybe the company you have hates you (maybe not), but the world doesn’t. But the worst part of child abuse, any survivor can attest, isn’t your feelings towards and about others but your feelings towards yourself. I spend all day pouring out apologies for having needs and wants. Plus, if one shows criticism towards me, I’ll both apologize and take us both on a long argumentative discussion to fulfill a very twisted need. A need best described as, “Am I bad? You know I’m bad. Just tell me I’m bad!” As a child, my dad told me I was manipulative and spoiled rotten. I believed him for some reason. Whenever my dad bullied my mom, I tried to intervene. My mom would then tell me, “Stay out of it. Yo...