Liar Liar Dad on Fire

TRIGGER WARNING: This entry mentions a family suicide attempt & a family inpatient stay.

   It’s one thing to be born of a pathological liar and another to have been raised by one. I made the dumb move of calling my adoptive father. God knows why. The phone call went fine. I was made aware he was a jerk, but otherwise, fine. The next day his phone was off. It stayed off. We have my cousin call my uncle because my uncle believes we “broke” his brother. She asked how my dad was, and he said, “He’s fine. He’s in sober living,” which matches what my dad told me.

   Finally, my dad called us from a hospital. He says he doesn’t have his phone, and someone is waiting for the phone. Wait, waiting for a phone? They can't have phones? If you’ve spent time in a psych ward like me, you know how this sounds. My father told us he was dizzy and that two weeks ago, he almost fainted and was at the hospital. We called the number back. It was a one-way line. We called the hospital and tracked him down to the psych ward.

   My mom says, “You’ve been lying to us. It’s time to be honest.” He says he left sober living two weeks ago. He claims to be several months sober and that he left sober living. Wait, he left sober living? No, more likely he got kicked out. Then he told us he was in the hospital because he had anxiety.

   My cousin approached my uncle about lying. He says he’s not speaking to her anymore because of the “drama.” She’s shocked and mad. And we realize, “This is a family of liars.” My father also told us he’d give us money from his dad's will, never mentioning to us he was removed from the will leaving now only two family members in it, and they’re father and son.

   My dad can lie to your face with no guilt if it gets him his way. And here I was thinking my calling him made him snap. I was worried, just like when his family blamed me for his suicide attempt. I couldn’t be more angry with him and his family.

   When I was little, I told my grandma, his mom, that he was abusing my mom. Grandma laughed in shock, “Honey, don’t say such a thing. Keep it a secret.” This family has always cared about image over family. Keep every dirty secret, or you will pay. When my uncle spent seven years in prison? Oh, he’s moved away and is just too busy to visit. In extreme debt? No, I believe the word you’re looking for is rich. Alcoholism? Never heard of it, except in homeless folk. Plastic surgery? Never. These boobs just grew overnight at 40 years old.

   It’s not about what you do. It’s about not getting caught. God forbid you take responsibility for your actions. And people wonder why I changed my last name. My dad's family hates me and my mom. I refuse to carry their name onward. 

   In this life, we often let our family define who we are, and in many cases, this is not a good idea. You’re not responsible for your family's mental health problems. And while they may have abused you, it is your responsibility to fix yourself, and nobody else’s. If you accidentally trigger someone and they kill themselves? Not your fault. They needed help learning how to deal with some heavy stuff. They didn’t get it, which has nothing to do with you. So don’t be so hard on yourself.

-Anemone