A Life After Trauma

TRIGGER WARNING: This entry briefly mentions drugs, alcohol, and broken homes.     Child abuse is far more complex than such and such happened to me. Child abuse destroys families. Secrets get kept, lies get told, and children suffer.      Child abuse can happen in happy homes. But it often happens in broken homes. Mom’s in prison, dad’s a deadbeat, and drug and alcohol abuse are normalized. Grandma and Grandpa sit back, doing nothing to help. Little girls stop trusting.     Walking away means losing it all. Mother’s Day is morbid. Father’s Day is pointless. Your siblings have vanished. You are utterly alone. You feel defective, worthless, and unlovable. You have no one to cry to or save you from self-destruction.     You can repair yourself, but you can’t repair your family. No amount of therapy in the world will fix a broken home. You try to forget. You try to feel joy as well as you can. That’s all you can do. You hope things wil...

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses a suicide attempt in detail, alcohol abuse, involuntary stay in a psyche ward, and significant emotional abuse.     I haven’t posted in a while. I ended up in the psyche ward on an emergency hold a month ago. Let’s see if I can find it in me to tell all.    So, first, my mom, while discussing the day my dad tried to shoot us, said it didn’t happen to me, so I shouldn’t be upset. He pointed that gun at both of us, and I was there. I have every right to be upset. I asked her to go away. She was very dramatic as she did so. I tried calling her to work it out, but we fought more. Eventually, she returned and did an “I’m running away” thing but returned in half an hour.     I felt searing anguish and pain in my heart, so I decided to get wasted, which made me cold, callus, and very amused by the ridiculousness of my life. My mom described my amusement as evil. After that, I took a bottle of pills, drank more, then told m...